i.will.not.let.go

Been a while since I posted. It is amazing how easy it is to get caught up in the activity of life, letting some healthy sabbath go by the wayside for “more pressing” things. This blog has become somewhat of a spiritual sabbath for me as I deliberately take time to ponder faith issues that go beyond the mundane. Sometimes the stakes seem too high to indulge in the luxury of this “sabbath” activity.

My thoughts right now are consumed with such stakes as I have been in outright warfare with Lucifer over the marriages of people I care about. It has been very difficult to concentrate on the things I must accomplish when so much is at stake. The toll it is taking is exacerbated by the fact that at this point in my ministry I cannot devote the bulk of my vocational attention to matters of ministry. There is a temptation to resent the 8-to-5 job that God has blessed me with. There is a temptation to succumb to guilt over having to share my loyalties between my parish and my employer. There is a temptation to throw my hands up and walk away. But, I will not let go.

You’ve seen the often repeated scene of a person who has gone over some precipice while a friend holds onto them with one hand. The mutual grip is slipping and the potential savior is in pain as he holds on tight. The dangling person looks into the eye of the savior, silently saying “just let me go – there is no hope”. Sometimes we are blessed as inner strength or outside help saves the day and gives us a happy ending. Other times, the dark path is taken as the dangler falls to his death.

There are people amongst us, who are dangling off the edge. And Lucifer is attached to their heels, weighing them down. Right now, they may be holding fast, but how long will that determination last? Have some already given up hope? I have always been intrigued by the dynamics of “relationship” – its nuances are fascinating. In particular, I am intrigued by the fact that even while one person can give up, the other can still hold on.

I have determined not to let go. I am determined not to let Lucifer take these marriages. Sometimes I feel that all I can do is hold fast. Hopefully my strength holds out until they rediscover hope and attempt to climb up themselves. Father, give me the determination and the strength required to hold fast until hope is restored. But, Father, work quickly – for while I am determined, I sense that fatigue is near.